Unstressed Mom

Fighting M…

2011-04-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Here are the auto suggestions from Google as I started typing in “fighting mid life crisis”:

- Fighting midgets (just weird)
- Fighting mid life flab (which is PART of the crisis, you know)
- Fighting midland funding (WTF?)
- Fighting middle ages (probably means fighting in THE middle ages, not fighting against being middle aged)
- Fighting middle east (put my little crisis in perspective)

There were also references to Jerry Springer, but I don’t think I’m that bad off yet.

45!

2011-04-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

45 years old. That sounds old. It even feels old. Makes you start thinking about what mark you leave on the world. Does it go past your family and friends? Does it need to? Or, is it enough to make a difference on those closest to us so they can soar?

When to step away

2010-05-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

When is it quiting and when is it just no longer putting yourself through the wringer?

We, as a family, decided to pull my son out of little league for the season. His coach's treatment of him was just unbearable. The guy was a real jerk. To us, this is not quiting, just protecting our child. He left the game in tears declaring he hated baseball now.

We spent the car ride home remembering all the other teams and the excellent coaches. By the time we arrived home, he was already making plans to rejoin his old league in the fall. Sure, it is a long drive for us, but it is worth it to see his excitement again!

Little league is supposed to be for everyone!

2010-05-03T17:21:00.001-07:00

My son has lived for being on a baseball team for the past five years. He loves belonging to a group and being treated like one of the other kids. The coaches’ praise for his hard work was priceless.

Until this year.

We moved and had to join a new league. What a disaster. We have never asked for any special treatment from the team or coach even though our son has a few disabilities. One of his favorite parts of baseball is being treated like all the other kids.

After a few practices and games, my son started talking about hating baseball. We noticed that the coaches only played their own kids in the action spots while the rest of the boys were rotated through the outfield. The coaches’ kids were top in the lineup, while the others were lucky to get to bat once.

We confronted the coach, politely but firmly. His excuse was that he knew, without our telling him, that our son was disabled so the coach decided he could not handle being in the infield. Bull. And, bull again.

So, the next practice, as payback (?) the coaches put him in at first. Well, my son showed those doubters – he was flawless and did the same again in the next practice. Come game time that week, he scored the first run and made a crucial out on his own.

The moral is to never underestimate anyone! Especially a determined 10 year old boy.

Everybody is “exceptional” now – a rant in B major

2010-05-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

In many school districts, children with disabilities or giftedness are labeled as exceptional children, EC for short. Most of the children are able to receive much needed support to fully realize their potential through documents called IEPs.

Lately, I have been noticing that more and more parents are talking about their child’s IEP and all the EOG accommodations their children will get. These are children who barely qualify for a learning disability yet their IEPs are more complex and have more support than my own child’s does, and he has several disabilities. My son, who is PDD-NOS and has a few comorbid issues as well, get extended time for one test only. That’s it. And, that is at our request and with his teacher’s blessing. Why do we do it this way? Because that is real life. He can, and is, learning to cope and excel without extreme measures. What scares me is that these border line students are being given an easy way out and will not learn to function WITHOUT external support. Plus, it stretches the resources thin for those students who really need them.

I am seeing this in school, little league sports, and even just playing with other kids in the neighborhood: parents are expecting accommodations for all sorts of things. When we go against the norm and demand NO accommodations, we are treated like we’re crazy. Yes, our son is different, but he will learn to function in the world as it is and the world will learn to appreciate all that makes him unique and “exceptional”.

I need a project...

2010-01-28T13:21:00.000-08:00

Not that I have a ton of free time. But, it is always nice to have something that is just for fun and just for me.

Maybe I’ll do something with all that fabric I’ve been hoarding. Or, maybe I’ll just take another weekend off. I am getting lazy in my old age.

Ebb and flow

2010-01-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

Things get too busy to think then too slow to get motivated. But, I am learning to enjoy those slow times more. So what if a weekend goes by without a project. I don’t feel guilty anymore for just spending the day puttering around in my pj’s.

My husband has been able to do that for years and I am glad it wore off onto me.

What is your passion?

2009-10-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

Where will your passion lead you? Will you be willing to follow?

I am just a few months short of becoming a fully licensed middle school math and science teacher. So, as a substitute, those are the classes I usually work in. Lately, though, I have been substituting in self-contained classes at my children’s schools. These children are called exceptional children (EC for short).

The thinking was that (1) they needed qualified subs, (2) I might learn things to help my own son, and (3) I would definitely learn things that could help with differentiation in a regular classroom. (Differentiation helps make sure each child is taught in the best way for that child.)

A funny thing happened. I love working in those classrooms. Those students, all with lower IQ’s and many disabilities, are now my favorite ones to work with. My days in a regular classroom just blur together. But, I can remember every little detail from the days in the EC class.

So, now as I reach what I thought was my goal, I have to re-examine and see if the right thing for me is to continue in a bit more.

Booo to the flu

2009-10-07T20:54:00.001-07:00

Well, the flu got me. I just dragged out of bed today after a week, and it wasn’t pretty. Me, I mean. I wasn’t much to look at.

Everything else looked just fine. The bills were up to date because everything is on autopay. The laundry wasn’t too bad because I hadn’t let it pile up before getting sick. The house was picked up because we have always stressed that the kids need to pick up after themselves.

Basically, we have things so simplified and automated that things went fine without me. That’s a good feeling!

Why I love little league baseball

2009-09-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

My son is in a PONY league, one of the major organizations for kids’ baseball. He has one more year to play at the levels where everyone gets on a team and everyone plays in every game. Maybe he’ll be good enough to make a team when he is older or maybe not – he is not the best by far. In fact, he has always been towards the bottom on every team in batting and fielding ability.

And, that is reason #1 why I love baseball. It is the only thing that he is not good at but still keeps trying. It is a huge problem with him. If he cannot do something perfect the first time, he melts into a puddle of tears and usually refuses to ever try again. But, not in baseball. He is the kid in the outfield still talking to himself and looking everywhere but at the batter. His swing is way too wonky except to hit a pitch by accident. And, all of his trips to first were bases on balls.

He doesn’t care. He is too busy having fun.

Reason #2 I love little league is the dedicated coaches. They know they are there to balance teaching the kids the mechanics of baseball with sportsmanship and fun. It is a fine line. These boys are to the point that they do need to start getting more serious about playing the game well if they want to play for their middle school. But, in other ways, they are still little boys and many cry when they lose (yes, including my son).

Reason #3 is the very patient umpires. They get hit a lot at this age – well it is kid pitch. They are surrounded by boys who do not always understand the specific rules of the game and are known to stop like a deer in headlights when things get crazy. After those plays, I have always seen the umps quietly explain the rules to those players. The umpires also see themselves as coaches for both sides. They help the batter and catcher get into their optimal position. They help the pitcher aim for the strike zone. And, they help keep the kids focused. One amazing umpire even approached parents after the game to give advice on better bat sizes and such for their children.

I image his kids are older but he still enjoys the chance to coach boys. And our boys are all better off for it!

No more whiners!

2009-09-20T04:15:00.000-07:00

I am really tired of people making excuses about things, big and small, instead of doing something.

First – the complainers:
There are the unemployed who prefer to wait for the “perfect life fulfilling job” instead of compromising in this economy to bring in some sort of income. There are the parents who complain about every little thing in their children’s classrooms, but will not volunteer. What about that woman who is always complaining about being overweight, but won’t join you for a walk in the mornings? I could list dozens of complaints heard in the past month alone, all followed by wimpy reasons why nothing can be done. What worried me is that our children are picking up on this trend at home and in school.

Now – here’s to those who get things done:

A single mom putting herself through school so she can get a better job
Another mom studying for months to pass the state bar exam
A nephew who saved his money and is returning to graduate school
The teacher who puts in extra hours to help her students succeed instead of lowering her expectations for them

My point is that just complaining, while fun in a pity party way, never accomplishes anything. So, why waste the energy? Do whatever it takes to get yourself to make a change: watch Oprah, read self help books, put up silly motivation posters – do anything as long as it gets you to do something constructive.

Besides, complaining can add frown lines.

Routine Matters

2009-09-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

We have been back in school for a few weeks. And, we are still nailing down the right times to leave for the new schools, the quickest route to Target, and when to bring a lunch based on the school lunch menu.

In other words, we do not have our routine down yet.

And, each year, until the routine takes hold, I always feel a little on edge. Are we late, to we have time for one more stop, can I get to the grocery store before the kids get home?

And, I know the worst will happen – we will have that one day a week where I have to be three places at once. It hasn’t happened yet, but I know it’s out there…lurking…waiting…

Or, maybe, just maybe, I worry about this too much!

Quality of life

2009-08-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

Quality of life: what does that mean? We have officially finished our move and settled in to our new home. All our decisions were aimed at creating a fun and relaxing life for our family. Closer to family, less grass to cut, more trees for privacy and exploring, more room to play inside, excellent schools, very close to work, etc…

We are happy and pretty much stress-free. By our standard, we definitely have a high quality of life.

What got me to thinking about this is my dog, Marquise. She is almost 15 years old and starting to slow down. Does she still have quality of life? She can’t stand up by herself, but once she is up, she can still move. She can’t always navigate the step to the backyard on her own, but once she’s there she still sniffs and barks like always. Her arthritis makes it almost impossible for her to stand on the hardwood, but a trail of rugs along her favorite inside paths lets her go where she wants.

Recently, she had a short illness that prevented her from standing at all for two days. During that time, she developed serious skin ulcers which are not healing fast. We have to get up with her at least twice a night to help her turnover and reset her bandages. Honestly, I am exhausted.

But, does she still have quality of life? She has pain medicine which is working wonders. She still eats and moves the same. She still comes running when you shake her leash. (Well, it’s like she is running in slow motion.)

She still tries to follow me all over the house. And, she still wags her tail whenever you give her even the littlest bit of attention. By her standard, as long as she is the center of attention and has her every whim catered to, she has a high quality of life indeed.

School Supplies

2009-08-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

I love all the massive school supply centers in the stores now. No, it is not because my kids are about to be out of the house for hours at a time. (OK, that may have been true when they were younger.)

The reason I love all those piles of supplies is the possibility they represent. The stories to be written, the discoveries to be made, and the changes my kids will go through this year. The paper and pencils are just begging to be used.

These displays also motivate me to see possibilities to simplify my own desk. Pencil bags and boxes are my favorite. The larger pencil bags are excellent ways to store all those cables and chargers we seem to collect. With the three-hole bags, they can be kept in a binder. The boxes are not just for crayons at school. How about picking up a few and cleaning out the junk drawer or craft box?

The possibilities are endless!

Consideration anyone?

2009-08-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

We just got home from a full week of sun and fun at the beach. It was a wonderful, slow paced family trip. We played games, putt-putt, and of course swam a lot. Plus, there was almost no fighting between my kids, which is a vacation in itself.

The only sour note was the odd person here and there who showed little consideration for other people. There was the mom who gave her children lunch WHILE they were floating in the pool. One spill and the pool would have to be closed for cleaning. There were the rowdy young adults hogging the tubes in the lazy river, preventing the little kids from having a turn. And, there was the older couple blocking the view of many little children at the circus with their antics. I am not making this up. Whenever anyone behind them would move so the kids could get a better view, these people would also move so the kids never could see well.

So, besides wanting to get all this off my chest, what other purpose does this post serve? First, we need to just take a deep breath and try to ignore the inconsiderate person. Second, to remind us that we also may, unintentionally, be inconsiderate to others at times, too. So, we need to always be aware of how our actions affect those around us.

We are setting an example for our children, let’s make it a good one.

How much is convenience worth?

2009-07-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

How much would you pay to save time or effort? This is a question we have to answer many times every day. Sometimes it is big, like hiring a maid. Other times it is small, like buying pudding in the cups instead of making it yourself.

Today, I decided it was worth the $10 a month add-on to my cell phone for web access. The deciding factor was Google Calendar. We keep all our family events there. We can all see it and make changes from work or home. And, now, I can even access it when we are in the doctor’s office making the next appointment. Yes, I could carry a paper calendar instead or type everything into my cell phone’s calendar. But, this way, there is only one calendar that we are all modifying. Less chance for mistakes.

I admit it, I will also use the web access for fun stuff, too. Life is not all work and appointments!

Something old, something new

2009-07-19T05:19:00.000-07:00

After a weeks (or weak?) attempt to break out of our routine, things were not looking good. I ordered my new glasses (bifocals). I did try to find trendy frames, but ended up with ones that are a lot like my old glasses. We tried to find something new to do this weekend. But, we ended up with a house full of my children’s friends from our old town, just like most weekends before we moved. We did the same things and ate the exact same meals.

Then, without trying – the NEW thing showed itself. We were at one of those pottery painting places that are everywhere. And, they had a sign that they offered glass fusion classes. So, my daughter and I will learn a new art medium.

We can’t wait to start!

What's new? Nothing.

2009-07-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

So, I am hitting a mid-life crisis. I was hoping this move would let us break free from the same-old same-old: shake things up and try new things. Didn’t work out that way. Same type neighborhood, same type of schools, same type of people, and exactly the same stores as in our old town. That’s not bad, and I do feel blessed we can provide a great lifestyle for our family. But, some days, I wonder if we missed our big chance to become adventurers.

With that in mind, my husband and I vowed to start with small changes. We would NOT eat at a chain restaurant tonight (I said it was a small change). I promised to try something different, so we headed to an Indian restaurant spotted earlier. Turns out, it was not open yet – in fact there was not even any drywall up.

Try again.

I see a Mexican restaurant calling itself a Cancun experience. We make our way inside, and I am feeling excited about this single, symbolic gesture. Oops. It wasn’t Cancun, it was Cajun. And, everything they served had seafood. I hate seafood with a passion! Our grand experiment ended with probably the only cheeseburger served in there tonight.

OK. I’ll do something exciting tomorrow. Maybe. After my eye doctor appointment to get bifocals. (Sigh) Middle age indeed.

3rd time's the charm

2009-07-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

Starting over in a new house can be a real pain in the butt. We are adding ceiling fans, wiring speakers, hanging curtains and, occasionally, unpacking a box.

Why is it that every project big or small takes three trips to Lowe’s? Not two, not four, but three. Every single time. Wrong size screws. Shelf cut to wrong size. Wrong mounting bracket. Curtain color looks horrible…

But, when it’s all done, I know I’ll be bored. So, I’ll start yet another project that won’t go as planned and will require three trips to the store. Go figure.

Boxes verses having fun

2009-07-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

The kids are at their Grandma’s house for a week. The plan is that I will be able to finally get us all settled into the new house. However…

I think the thing that will unstress my husband and me the most is to spend lots of time together. We finally saw Star Trek last night (loved it!). We’ll have a few rounds of golf later this week.

And, we’ll talk. Without the kids interrupting. For the first time in a year, we won’t be having to talk about his job search, selling our house or buying a new house.

A few boxes will get unpacked, but more importantly we’ll celebrate making it through this past year. How relaxing!

Do you really want to change?

2009-06-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

There is an Einstein quote I keep coming across lately, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

That’s pretty deep if you think about it.

Being organized to advocate for your child

2009-06-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

We registered the kids in their new schools this week. So, how can I help the schools get to know my children? This is extremely important because one of my children has several disabilities.

A long time ago, I started a notebook with all the report cards, neuropsychology assessments, medical testing, and a list of all the specialists for this child. There are notes from the IEP meetings as well as each year’s IEP. There are even work samples. These things are arranged by type into sections and then by date. Any special education educator can quickly look through this to get an overview of my child.

I made this notebook just so I could keep up with all the paperwork. But, it has been an extra blessing during this move as we get new doctors and start a new school. I have a way to quickly access the information they need. We can also reflect back to look for progress or patterns of continued problems.

Anything that reduces the amount of loose paper is always a great thing!

Moving (again and again and again and again)

2009-06-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

The Traveling Wilburys’ song, “Cool Dry Place” is stuck in my mind. Just read the words at face value.

One year after learning my husband was losing his job, we are nearing our final move. The kids and I rented an apartment in our old town so they could finish the school year with their friends, but it made things crazy. For two days in March, we actually had stuff spread across two apartments and two houses in two towns.

Next week, we will all finally be living together full time in our new house. Looking back, I can definitely say it was worth the hassle and expense. But, I am really sick of boxes – packing, moving, unpacking, repeat.

I am calling this the year of the box.

Ode to selling a house...

2009-06-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

I had planned to recount the horror of reaching closing on our old house and regale you with tales of how unstressed I was through the whole thing. But in reality, I was a basket case at least once a day. Nachos were the only thing that saved me. After too many things to recount (like the buyer’s money going to the wrong bank or my husband breaking the disposal!) we finally were able to close.

But, instead of detailing the entire blow by blow (and getting worked up again), I decided to write a sort-of multi-stanza haiku type poem to prove how Zen like I am now.

Winter: offer. Done? No.
Inspect. Irrational demands.
Buyers ignore contract.

Spring: Where’s their money?
Do we move out? Will we close?
Do we sign on new place?

Where will we sleep tonight?
Last minute: even more demands.
Stuff on pods, minivans.

More demands from buyer.
But, where will we sleep tonight?
5 pm! All is a go!

Finish moving out.
Baseball, dinner, homework, showers.
Sleep well in new place.

Getting back to posting

2009-05-21T17:07:00.001-07:00

I’m back! And, boy oh boy, I have months of topics on dealing with things that cause stress. I would have been posting as we went along but the rules for how I allocate my time are to do the “have-to-do’s” first, then the “want-to-do’s” and finally the “ought-to-do’s” if there is time.

Well, the have-to-do list has been enormous. We sold our old house and moved into our new house (that's it in the picture.) It has been a crazy ride. I feel like we should have been one of those reality shows complete with sound effects for each new crisis. We certainly have been making those pained faces they like to show over and over on commercials.

So, starting next week, I’ll recount the journey, and hopefully find the humor in the hind sight view!

When to deal and when to move on

2009-02-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have not posted in a while, but I have been very, very, very, stressed out!

We sold our house and put a contract on a new one we all love (I will post pictures as we organize it). BUT, now the buyers for our house are making all sorts of unreasonable demands. We cannot decide if they are (1) getting bad advice, (2) just ignorant about construction, or (3) trying to force more money out of us.

I think in the future, we will always offer the bare minimum on any negotiation. No matter how fair an offer you make, people want to try to get more. So, the obvious solution is to offer less to begin with. What ever happened to people simply looking at something for what it was?

The other obvious solution is to just tell these people take it or leave it. The stress in dealing with them far out ways the stress of having our house back on the market. On the other hand, if we throw enough money at them, we can move on and get settled in our new house. And, that would completely eliminate all the stress!

Maybe I’ll flip a coin.

Do-it-yourself or hire an expert?

2009-02-02T03:54:00.000-08:00

This is a tough call, especially in today’s market. We had to make that call a lot as we were getting our house ready to sell. Here is what we considered:

Can I really do a good job on it myself?
If I screw it up, how hard will it be to fix the mistake?
Can a professional do it a whole lot faster? (And, I include the time required to find someone and wait for them to show up as part of the total repair time.)
Could I get hurt doing this? (Like falling from a ladder while painting the trim.)

So, for us, we handled all the inside fixes and the yard work. It made sense to hire someone to wash and paint the house. It made sense to hire someone to put in the new dishwasher – they took away the old one plus their work is guaranteed.

And, it definitely makes sense to hire a realtor. Yes, we will have to pay a commission, but it really is well worth it. She can handle the enormous amount of paperwork. She can market it better through the MLS than I could by using a cheap listing service. Most important, she can follow through to make sure the offer really makes it to closing. In today’s mortgage crisis, I do not take anything for granted.

It is “To-do List” Time

2009-01-26T07:38:00.001-08:00

How do you write out your to-do list? Is it arranged by who does the task or where the chore is located? Or like most people, do you write down random ideas as you think of them?

As we are FINALLY getting close to have our house market ready, I wrote out what we had left to do. It is mostly painting and organizing our clutter to make the house look less lived in. There were over 75 chores left to do! No wonder my house looked so run down to me – it was.

So, I typed up the list into a table. The first column was the room and the second was the list of things to do in that room. Yes, it was overwhelming to look at, but it also helped us to see what rooms needed more work. And, we were able to say, that definitely a few rooms are now ready.

The lesson learned? It pays to be organized about getting organized.

Priorities

2009-01-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

We can all get overwhelmed with things to do: have to-do’s, want to-do’s, and things other people try to make us do. How do you set your priorities when your to-do list is longer than the day? By following these few rules, my to-do list usually gets more manageable.

First – take off the things that you are doing just because others expect you to do it. For example, this year we did not send out Christmas cards. I’ll send out a note to everyone later with an update on our move and our new address.

Second – Do what you have to do for your family to make it through the next few days: laundry, food, gas in the car? You are probably good to go.

Third – What is left? Anything for my kids’ well being or education comes first for me. If you have well defined priorities for your family, it is clear what really needs to be done.

If I am still too overwhelmed then I say forget it all, and go take a bubble bath.

To list or not to list

2009-01-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, I’ll freely admit I am totally overwhelmed with things to do.

My house is still turned upside down from getting new carpet installed, I am trying to refinish parts of the hardwood floor, and we still have Christmas decorations up. Everywhere I turn, a pile of stuff is staring back at me. They are all shouting, “Look at me! Do me first!”

So, logic would dictate that I make a list of things to do. But, I am not going to do that.

Why in the world would the queen of to-do-lists not make a list this time? Because it would be too long. Really. It would be so depressing I would not be able to get started.

In this case, I think that because it is obvious that things have to be put away neatly, I will just move from room to room de-piling as I go. When things are closer to being picked up, then you better believe the list of all lists will come out to get our house ready to sell.

Let's get going

2008-12-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

OK - We have Christmas right around the corner. I spent several hours today in a mad dash to complete all the shopping. So, it's done.

The hard thing each year is what do you buy for someone that you buy for just because you have to, but you do not really know what they like. Here are some ideas:

1. Fancy food (bonus of not being shoved in a drawer and forgotten)
2. Quality hand lotion plus special gloves for a fresh manicure feeling
3. Nice gloves
4. Family games they can share
5. Pre-printed photo books for older relatives (available through most online photo dealers, http://www1.snapfish.com/store)
6. Little kitchen gadgets for the chef or the chef in training of your family

Please share your ideas!

Everything is manageable.

2008-12-12T04:19:00.000-08:00

I am really stressing out right now! Between getting the house ready to sell, finishing my finals for grad school, and preparing for Christmas, I feel like I am going in twenty different directions.

On top of it all, we still haven’t received the official letter of employment, so do we even have a new job? I have already ordered thousands of dollars of things like new carpet to fix up our house to sell. In this market, you have to do everything possible to create a great impression on home buyers. My realtor wants to list the house as soon as possible after Christmas to maximize our chances of selling, but we have soooo much to do!

And, if we really do have a new job (my husband is 100% convinced we do) how secure is this job? Do we buy in the new city or rent? What if we can’t sell our old house?

OK, deep breath, and I’ll deal with things I can. My husband will check today on the status of the job. I still have a few days to cancel the carpet order. My last final is today. We cut way back on Christmas spending this year, so I do not have much more shopping to finish.

Everything is manageable.

One stress leaves and another arrives.

2008-12-04T18:46:00.000-08:00

My husband got a great job today. ..in another city. I am trading one stress maker (no job) for another (selling a house and moving).

It is always something. Stress is always there- big or small. So, I will face this with the understanding that with hard work, diligence and good humor, everything works out.

I pledge to not allow the potential stress to take any of my time or energy!

Bargains on Ebay

2008-11-30T13:01:00.000-08:00

Ebay is offereing select items each day for just $1! The trick to getting these door busters is finding them, because they are NOT listed under their real name.

One of today's item was an Apple Nano 8GB. Last I looked, there were still several left that had not been found yet.

Is this a good deal? Well, if you have fun with searches, and have the time, then yes it is. However, if time is as valuable as money, then I would rather pay more with less time invested. It is a personal and case by case call.

Happy hunting!

It is Black Friday!

2008-11-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

It is Black Friday! I am debating whether or not to venture out in to the fray. I did it the past two years and had wonderful experiences. The crowds had moved on by the time I got there, but the items I wanted were still available. I was back in bed by 8 a.m. both years.

What is different this year is the economy and our need to not spend. So:

A. Do I stay home and avoid getting caught up in the shopping frenzy?
B. Do I plunge in and keep breathing deep to stay an unstressed mom in the middle of it all?
C. Or, do I wait and see if the dogs wake me up so early anyway that I might as well go shopping anyway?

I’ll choose C so I don’t have to stress about deciding the night before!

Update: We all slept in! I am sure my bank acount is much happier for it.

It always works out!

2008-11-19T17:16:00.000-08:00

Well, things always seem to work out. I had two different days this week that were logistical nightmares. There was no way I could figure out how to be in three places at the same time. And, no one was free to help out. I planned the best I could and kept a friend’s sage advice in mind, “It always works out.” She says that for everything, but it’s true most of the time!

How did the days go? Both of them ended up with everything canceled! What I had worried about for a month turned into a couple of lazy afternoons around the house. Once again, it all worked out.

The lesson learned? Even though I have no idea what will happen in the next year with my husband’s job I know it will all work out! So I need to try to enjoy the ride.

Which do you do – plan or react?

2008-11-14T00:44:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I am an over-planner. I sometimes spend hours researching and planning for something. In fact, I love to plan so much, I will plan something in detail before I am sure I need it. For example, I planned a fantastic trip to NYC for my daughter and I even before I knew when we would go or when we would have the money to go. It turns out we won’t be able to make that trip this year after all.

So, did all that time planning go to waste? I don’t think so. First, I have a clearer picture of what it will take money and time wise to make this trip everything we want it to be. Second, we had a lot of fun just planning it out.

This compulsion of mine is really taking up time now that my husband is job hunting. I can’t stop myself from taking the time to thoroughly research the location of every potential job he is looking at. In many cases, this is before he has even sent in his resume! But, if he does get an interview, at least I will be prepared to react with excitement or an “absolutely no way”.

So, should you plan or just react? I think that by planning for everything you can, you are in a better position to react quickly and rationally.

Credit card rewards

2008-11-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Looking for extra money for Christmas? Check your rewards points on your credit cards! Many cards offer you the chance to trade these points for gift cards or merchandise. Some cards will automatically mail you the gift certificate when you earn enough points.

For other cards, you must create an online account with them to redeem your points. It takes a few minutes, but it can be worth it!

Getting ready for...what?

2008-10-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

Well, the economy is really scary right now. I have had quite a few stressed out moments this week as my husband looks for a new job. Just in case we have to sell out house, I am taking out all my nervous energy by whipping everything into shape. And if we don’t have to move, then I’ll just be that far ahead on my housework for the holiday season.

After all, why should I dust the ceiling fans just for strangers? My family deserves to live in a dust free environment, too! Just think: a constructive way to keep my mind busy and free up time later when we all can relax.

Bidding a great dog goodbye

2008-10-25T18:27:00.001-07:00

Rok, our incredible family dog, died today. He was gentle, patient, loyal, and completely forgiving – traits we should all strive for. He was one of my big secrets to staying unstressed. Anytime I needed a little unconditional love, there he was. Rok will be missed more than words can say!

Have you voted yet?

2008-10-23T16:22:00.000-07:00

I know the official day is over a week away, but I encourage you to look for alternative ways to vote early. You will save time on November 4th plus it gives you a legitimate reason to hang up on all those political calls. “Sorry, I’ve already voted!”

Many states offer early voting in person and by absentee ballot. Unless you are like my neighbor who enjoys the whole process of standing in line debating with those around her on election day, why not go ahead and get it done?

A sure thing

2008-10-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

My husband and I had a much needed break in Las Vegas. It was a chance to reconnect and re-evaluate what is important for our family.

The day before we left, we found out he had been turned down for a job he thought was a sure thing. In today’s economy, we are finding that “sure things” are harder to find. But, what is always a sure thing is how we love and support each other.

The lesson learned was that in all things, as long as we remember we are a family first, everything else will be OK.

On Vacation!

2008-10-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am spending the weekend in Las Vegas chilling out! Look for a new post next week.

Christmas is coming!

2008-10-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just heard Wal-Mart is starting the Christmas season. And, Target put out their Christmas Decorations a few weeks ago.

How early do you start getting ready for all the upcoming holidays? How full do you let your calendar get? Do you try to stay within a budget? Do you have major Martha Stewart moments?

I used to start stock piling presents months in advance. We would go all out for Halloween. Thanksgiving was a weeklong cooking marathon. I admit, it was fun. But it was also tiring!

This year, we are making a firm pledge to have a simple holiday season. The kids are old enough to put up Halloween and Christmas decorations. We will rejoice in staying home to make cookies instead of dropping a bundle on new clothes and a sitter to go to yet another party. We will get the kids one nice present each for Christmas, but that is it. We are also curtailing our extended family shopping list, as are they.

In short – we are focusing on the important parts of these times!

How can you speed up your morning?

2008-09-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

Getting everyone out the door for school in the morning can be a massive headache or no problem at all. Here are just a few ideas I’ve gathered to help smooth out the process:
1. Have the kids sleep in what they are wearing the next day (works best for elementary age boys)
2. Make sure all the backpacks are ready the night before
3. Make sure all forms, checks and other paperwork for school are ready the night before
4. Have the kids buy their lunch at school
5. Set a timer for eating breakfast
6. Keep all the kids shoes in a basket by the door
7. Have a stash of breakfast bars to eat on the way
8. Have checklists in the kids bathrooms of what they have to do each morning, like brush their teeth

The moms on my street brag about how quickly they can get the kids from bed to the bus stop. I think the current record is 8 minutes!

Handling the Unexpected, part 3

2008-09-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

We had the memorial service for my husband’s grandfather. My in-laws are surrounded by tons of friends who are always willing to help. Even with dozens of family in town, we had very little cooking and cleaning to do. These wonderful friends took over and handled all the details.

The lesson here is that you never get too old to need and appreciate your friends!

Handling the Unexpected, part 2

2008-09-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

How easily can your life be put on hold? The unexpected happens. For us, this month we had an out of town funeral. It could be an illness or house troubles or a host of other things that all mean you cannot follow your normal schedule and must adjust at a moment’s notice. So, how easily can you react? If you have simplified your life and keep up with the daily details, then it should be easier to quickly step out of your routine.

For me, one key is to be a digital as possible. My bills, classes, and projects mostly take place on my laptop. So, I can leave quickly without having to put too many of my obligations on hold.

The other key is to do what you can when you can. For example, if you have 15 minutes while you are waiting for the water to boil, then go ahead and unload the dishwasher. If you are on the phone for a nice long chat with a friend, then fold clothes. By doing things with little chunks of time, you (1) free up the large blocks of time and (2) never have as many daily details staring you in the face.

And, for the 99% of the days that nothing unusual happens? You have lots of free time for fun!

Handling the Unexpected, part 1

2008-09-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

My husband’s grandfather died this week after a great life of 94 years. He will be missed by everyone!

In the mist of all the emotions this brings, we still have to deal with the logistics of getting to the funeral. Within minutes of hearing the news, I walked outside to join a group of neighbors who were standing outside shooting the breeze. After I told them what had happened, two immediately volunteered to watch our home and pets.

Another took me shopping because she knew where all the sales were. Thanks to her, I was able to outfit my family in the proper attire in almost no time and on a limited budget. Believe it or not, I had never needed to buy my husband a tie or sports coat in our entire 14 years of marriage and desperately needed her help.

There is no way I could have taken care of everything so quickly without these wonderful neighbors. The lesson learned here is to never underestimate the power of great friends!

All those cords and chargers

2008-08-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

We just went on vacation and I was shocked at how many different cords and chargers we brought along. What a tangled mess.

With all the school supplies in the stores this week, I knew there had to be something that would tame the cords. There were lots of possibilities!

I decided to use those canvas zippered pencil pouches. These have three different sections, so I can separate out the different cords and chargers. Three pouches are enough to hold everything. The pouches can even be kept in a binder.

And, the next time we go on vacation, it will be a breeze to pack and bring along those pouches.

The lesson learned here is that there are always solutions to those small organizational issues. You just have to get creative!

Posting schedule

2008-08-27T19:39:00.001-07:00

School is back in full swing for me and my kids. So, I will be posting just once a week on Friday mornings.

Please keep up the emails and comments for new ideas you want to talk about!

Check for improvements to how you do things

2008-08-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

I just found out my bank has added new features since I first set-up online bill paying. These will dramatically cut my bill paying time. But, I only learned about them because I was bored and just clicking about on their site.

One new addition: It turns out they have added all of the people I do business with to their direct pay list. (Being on this list means these businesses are paid within a day of my payment request.) So, I no longer have to write any checks to pay bills each month.

The lesson learned here is that just because something is going well, it still pays to check for possible improvements!

Managing Paperwork - share your ideas or questions

2008-08-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

The Paper Trail section of the Unstressed Mom website is up and ready for action.

This post is the place to share your successes and ideas or to post any questions about managing all your papers, bills and stuff the kids bring home.

Calendars and Schedules – share your ideas or questions

2008-08-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

The Family Calendar section of the Unstressed Mom website is up just in time for school starting back.

This post is the place to share your successes and ideas or to post any questions about calendars and schedules.

Crazy busy day

2008-08-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

It seems each year we have one crazy busy day of the week that everything happens on. And, I’ve heard from other moms that it happens to them, too.

This year, there is a three hour period every week that we all have to be somewhere different. It has become a joke (that really isn’t funny) that everything we look into doing happens during those three hours. It has become an exercise in advanced logistics.

The saving grace this year? My friends are pitching in to help with carpooling so my kids can go to their activities while I am in class that day.

The lesson here is to learn to ask for and accept help. You know how happy you are to lend a hand to friends, so you need to understand they feel the same about helping you.

For too many of us, it is easier to give help than to ask for it. I say we need to get over that!

Who controls your time?

2008-08-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

Interesting thing happened here today. I have been fighting a doctor’s bill from an emergency room visit last spring. The insurance company said I owed one amount, which I paid. The billing company claimed a higher amount was owed because they did not recognize our insurance companies’ pricing.

Through this, my husband kept saying he thought we should keep fighting it because of the principle of the thing. In reality, it was just me fighting it because I deal with all the paperwork in our family. (It’s OK, he does all the cooking!) Finally, my stress level was beginning to rise over this, so he took over to “continue the fight.” Within 30 minutes, he decided it was better to just pay the disputed amount and move on with life! Apparently it was no longer worth the effort when it was his time being spent on all the phone calls.

Looking back, I realize I should have been more direct with him when explaining all the time and effort this was really taking. He would have been fine with just paying from the first IF he had known how much time this was taking.

The lesson I learned from this? I don’t let most people determine how I spend my time, so why do I let family and close friends add big projects to my to-do-list? Whenever I explain the time and effort actually required from some huge request one of two things happen. The requester either takes back the request (because they really didn’t understand the scope when they ask) or they offer to help with other things to free up extra time. So, it is my own fault if I let others overburden me. Communication – It really works!

Controlling what you can

2008-08-05T05:29:00.000-07:00

Getting rid of stress is important in normal situations. But this is harder when things get really wonky. The unexpected happens. If you feel unstressed and on-top of all the daily details in normal situations, then it is easier to react to the unexpected. A perfect example is what my family is going through now.

Our unexpected is my husband’s job. We are facing a layoff or a possible new job overseas. If he is laid off, we hope to get another job right here. But, we could also be faced with moving and selling our home in this bad economy. And, we can all imagine the hassle of moving overseas on a moment’s notice! And, what about the kids? By the time anything is decided, they will have already been in school several months.

So, my solution is to control what I can and to prepare for everything else. I can control when we move up to a point. We decided that it would be best that I stay here with the kids for this school year. That way, we are not wondering where we will be living and going to school next month. A huge amount of stress gone right there! My kids go to school year round, which means they are out of school for 3 weeks every 9 weeks. With the holidays mixed in, we will still be spending half our time together this year. And, once things settle down, I’ll make specific plans for next year.

The irony of this is that this will only work because my children go to a year round school. And, our unexpected stress last year was being forced onto this school calendar and having to reorient how we planned everything.

The lesson I learned from this is that we never know what the future holds, so try to be in a position to react and roll with the punches. We all know that if you get stressed out in difficult times, it can rub off on your kids. After all, this could be our family’s biggest adventure ever, and I don’t want to spoil it by getting stressed out!

Take ten to talk

2008-08-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

Being a stay at home mom while going to school on-line works pretty well most of the time. Except on the days I have assignments due. My kids will ignore me all day until I am facing a deadline. Then, everyone wants my attention!

A trick a psychologist shared is to say, “I can give you 10 minutes right now.” And, then for those 10 minutes, you focus completely on that person and what they have to say. You do not answer the phone, read emails or cook dinner while you listen. You just listen. After 10 minutes, if the conversation is not finished, then plan a specific time AFTER your deadline to finish. You show your child that you value them more than anything else, while still maintaining boundaries to meet your other obligations.

There are added benefits to this. My daughter no longer interrupts my homework every five minutes. She knows for a fact that we will have one-to-one time later that night after my deadlines. This also gives her time to get her thoughts together – not always easy for a teenager!

Multi-tasking

2008-08-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

A friend said to me the other day that I was really good at multi-tasking. That surprised me because I am actually horrible at it! In fact, it takes me twice as long to do two things at once verses doing each thing separately. I find it is easier in the long run to finish one task before moving on to the next. That way, I can concentrate 100% on that one thing.

The business world calls this “chunking” your time. I call it common sense.

Finding time for paper work

2008-07-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

Papers seem to just invade our homes and try to take over. Hopefully, with the systems I laid out in the Piles of Paper section of the Unstressed Mom website, you can take control. The main goal I have is to get things into more manageable piles before tackling them. It is less daunting to sit down to clear out a pile if I know that there are only bills in there. I can get into the bill paying mind frame and whip through them in minutes.

However – the center point of this whole system is to have a chunk of uninterrupted time to finish off one of the sorted piles of papers. Otherwise, what’s the point? My favorite time of the day to finish off a pile of papers is early in the morning before my kids get up. When is your favorite time?

We are just getting started!

2008-07-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

More ideas, tips and ways to share your own successes in becoming an unstressed mom!